Hogwarts Confidential
by LM Ryder the Batty Bat
Summary: When Professor Snape accuses Harry of something he did not do, Harry gets revenge by eavesdropping but he gets more than he bargained for. Gryffindor Harry who has a Bart Simpson-ish personality... funny Snape... SS/MMCG pairing... don't like don't read dedicated to the memory of Marcia Wallace (Mrs Krabappel on the simpsons) i require a beta if you can help let me know please


Title: Hogwarts Confidential... (AKA yes but you're **MY** giant bat)

Author: LM Ryder the Batty Bat

Rating: M

Fandom: Harry Potter

Characters: Harry Potter Severus Snape

Disclaimer: THE AUTHOR IS NOTHING BUT AN AMATEUR. SHE OWNS NOTHING OTHER THAN THE PLOT, ALL COPYRIGHTS ARE RESERVED.

Pairing: Severus Snape/Minerva McGonagall

Author note: wrote this while I was watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

I wrote this in tribute to Marcia Wallace, voice of Edna Krabappel on the Simpsons. She died on October 25th 2013.

It's based on the Simpsons episode Grade School Confidential which is probably my favourite episode.

Hogwarts Confidential...

"You and your little friends are brewing polyjuice potion and believe me I am going to find out why" Snape spat

A thought occurred to harry and he looked up at Professor Snape and said...

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble Professor Snivellus" he sneered as Professor Snape went white and almost fell off the ladder "but other than hearing you mention it in class two years ago I have never heard of polyjuice potion so I suggest you deflate your ego, straighten your nose magically and flap off back to the dungeons like the giant overgrown bat you are"  
"why you insolent little..." Snape growled stepping down from the ladders and

A soft meow and then a pop and a furious Minerva McGonagall stood before them

"Professor Snape... unhand Mr. Potter immediately!"

"Detention tonight potter and 300 points from Gryffindor for acting like your pathetic father!"

"Potter, go to your dorm I will see you later"  
"yes ma'am"

As the door of the potions cupboard closed behind harry with a snap, Severus jumped down the last two stairs of the ladder and reeled Minerva into his arms...

"Do I really look like a giant bat? He asked a little self consciously

"Well... yes but... you're **my** giant bat" she replied

Their lips met

Outside the door a very confused and disturbed Harry Potter stood listening... when he heard Professor McGonagall, his usually strict head of house giggle and moan "OHHHH Sev!" loudly, he turned and in a blind panic ran the length of the corridor

For the rest of the week, Harry was a blithering, mess. Whenever someone questioned him he covered his ears and said "I didn't hear anything! I swear I didn't"

He cowered in the corner of the potions classroom during his detention

It took a week for Minerva to realise what had happened...

"Severus... we have a problem" she said

"What might that be beautiful?"  
"Potter... Potter knows about us"

Severus went chalk white  
"we have to keep him quiet Minerva..."

Later that day Minerva went to the Gryffindor common room...

"Mr Potter... Professor Snape and I would like a word with you"

"Of course Professor"

"I would like you to accompany me to my office please."  
"Yes ma'am"

Harry left the common room with Minerva, the other members of the golden trio staring suspiciously after them.

Harry stared from Professor Snape to Professor McGonagall and then he swallowed and sighed deeply...

"I have a confession to make..."

"Go on Potter"

"I heard you two... in the potions storeroom"  
"Harry... you're right, you did hear us..."  
"I will keep your secret... but... there is something I need to ask for... a favour of sorts..."  
"We can make a deal"

"My friend Neville... Neville Longbottom... he's struggling in most of his classes... would you be able to help him?"  
"I can try... I am his head of house after all"  
"there's no sense in me trying... the boy is terrified of me."

"Sir, I'm sorry for what I said"

"I understand why you said it. It is true... maybe I should consider plastic surgery"  
Harry almost lost his lunch when Professor McGonagall put her arms around Snape and whispered something into his ear

"Really?" he said

"Definitely..."

Over the next few months, Harry helped Professors Snape and McGonagall sneak around the castle together but when it became something that happened more often than not he finally got sick of it and blew their secret sky high. Dumbledore was lenient but the school board was not...

"Mr Malfoy... I know you have the deciding vote sir"  
"yes Potter what of it?"  
"I also know about the *ahem* special position Professor Snape has within your family..."  
"You mean he's my son's godfather"  
"exactly so I was wondering if we could perhaps strike some kind of deal?"

"What kind of deal Potter?"  
"well sir, I was hoping that if I pay you well enough you'll be able to get your wife's cousin Sirius Black out of Azkaban... he's my godfather... before she was killed last year, your niece – or rather Mrs Malfoy's niece, Miss Tonks told me all about Sirius, and I've been writing to him...

"Harry, you can drop the formalities" said Lucius suddenly

"What..."  
"There's something you need to know... about your family..." Severus began  
there was a tremendous bang and a brilliant white flash and...

TO BE CONTINUED...

_This story will be continued in the first person narrative in the Natasha Riddle series. Sorry for the nasty cliffy but I don't want to give too much away... _

_Do a giant bat a favour and write me a review will ya?_

Happy Holidays!


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